Monday, October 31, 2011

On Truth Tuesday

This Tuesday is much more on reflection than anything else. Happy Halloween also before I forget and get started, but um, let's get started huh? I'm getting sleepy.

The reason I say that this Tuesday is a reflective one, is because yesterday was the two year mark since the day that I
1, Went ring shopping and picked a wedding date
2, Interviewed at Sports Academy
3, Forgot one of my best friend's birthday

These things are important for a number of reasons.
1. I went ring shopping and picked out a ring and date with someone who I was 10000000 times convinced I was going to marry, and, didn't. It does seem important to note that a year after this I had been married for 2 months and 26 days.
2. I did not get the job when I first interviewed, MB told me that if she had room later she would call me (yeah right I sighed.....) but I wasn't even concerned because I was going ring shopping that night, and then she did call me a few months later right at the right time and right when I had moved back to Logan after 1. and I were donzo. I have worked there ever since and don't know what I would have done otherwise I love those people there.
3. I never and I repeat never forget birthdays, but that day I was so caught up in myself that I forgot about someone who was so important to me and I am still sad about that

It is interesting to just think sometimes about things. I had my life planned out to a capital T. The person, the place the date, the kids' names and none of that happened the way I thought it would. Today I was talking to a dear sweet friend who has gone through an awful break up and talking to her I saw myself so clearly and felt so fervently what she was feeling just remembering how things happened. At the same time I couldn't help but tell her things would be ok. They really, always are. Even though I also wanted to punch myself in the face for saying that to her, but I needed her to know. I look at who I was then and who I am now and I know that it all happened for a reason. It always does. For all of us. I needed my Mr. and He needed me and me and (see number 1.) well we were close and pushed each other, but we weren't what each other needed, we were what each other already were. Sometimes things happen in life and continue to happen in life that people often think, why me? And what did I do to deserve this? Etc Etc but me and MB (see number 2.) were talking today and she in her wisdom said something so so true. She said "people always say that things make sense later in life, but I don't think that's true, I think that some things happen and we never really understand why they did, just that they did." It is important to realize sometimes in life that things happen. Things that are sad, and awful and heartbreaking and life threatening, and life changing and we don't know why. And I mean in every aspect of life and it all comes down to choice. We as the person have to decide how we will react and how we will continue to live and then keep going or not. If we don't we become bitter and angry and resistant to others, if we do, we become stronger and better and understanding of others. I remember when I felt like my life would never be the same. Even though I had made the choice to end everything I was so confused. Since then there have been times like that when I have felt like that too, that this isn't how it was supposed to be and that I couldn't keep going on, in one instant I didn't. I stopped caring about everything, myself, other people, life in general and I was a zombie hater. (It is probably a real thing that involves a creepy skin disease) Since then I am glad that I have learned instead to keep going. It is hard to keep going sometimes but I know it is worth it. In every instance. Just. Keep. Going.

Hopefully some of you can relate to this. If not it is ok too.

love you readers.



Sunday, October 30, 2011

On: Hi Guys!!


Remember on Tuesday I was going to blog the next day and then remember that I didn't? I know, I know I'm the only that noticed.... anyway lets just talk huh? I decided I would take this time to high light some good things and add a few pictures along the way

So I have been trying to get crafty and it is intimidating to me a little. I am one of those people that takes a while to be able to do something cool like everyone else on cough*cough* pinterest cough*  Anyway I did get a little desperate and do some hard core crafting (ok not at all hard core but for me so hardcore I can't hear) I made this wreath......

And I also made this festive fall table adornment. I painted those pumpkins they aren't sweating, and It all sparkles, which i'm a fan of.
 Ok let me be honest, I am pretty proud of this table arraignment because I don't do things like this........
 My Darling was also gone for days and days and days...... and we have this new tradition where we get mugs from places we/he goes on trips so he brought be back these two lovelies. The reason is because I have hot chocolate every. single. day. But seriously like clockwork, but I don't like to make it because I can't make it taste right, nesquick is touchy let me tell you, so my mom used to make it for me and now Mr. makes it for me so I like lots and lots of big fatty mugs for lots of chocolate. 
 My Sweet Chicken also brought home these pretties and even though they look bad because of this lighting, they are lovely. Even now they are still beautiful and he picked them out all by his lonesome because he knew how sad I was while he was gone. Sigh, he's a charmer.........
And this DARLING vintage necklace from my fabulous sister Hollie. She is so sweet to me. She has a fab business btw if you're interested in looking through some of her things, she got this for me at an awesome wild-hare faire that I was so sad I missed. What a peach.

Anyway not that this is super fantastic but all of these things have made me quite happy, and have continued to make me happy. And I will admit me and Darling went to a few stores last night and bought a lot of things for some crafts I have been hoping I will successfully make. Wish me luck,



Tuesday, October 25, 2011

On:Truth Tuesday

fall. in. love.

hello there darlings!

I hope that today has been a good day for all of you. I can say it is much better for me now that lovely man child is home.

That picture is from Pinterest. I think pinterest is cool, mostly because I am reminded non-stop that a lot of people have good ideas but i'm sure glad that someone had the idea to put them all together so that people like me can try them, or at least have a little motivation to think up some things ourselves. I am not addicted though I can say that in a relieved way because I was worried I would be so I try to limit my interest. thank you very much

Oh fall....... sigh......
can I just say I freaking hate fall? I always have and thought I always will/would, but I don't! This summer I saw myself in the fall and here I am and I am happy to be here. Normally I am not interested in colder weather or anything changing, (yeah i'm one of those people) but this year, honestly I am more than more ready for some change. A lot of things actually, there are a lot of things that need to be better, and can be better and I am ready for those things to start getting better.

I am loving pumpkins, and the nice smell from my scensty and the harsh wind in my face and the beautiful leaves changing.

I am also very excited about my costume. Mostly because I believe I am the only person who would decide to be this and be excited and even though it is going to look lame and homemade I will also be the one person who will not be ashamed but will be proud to wear it! PROUD I SAY! poor mr. though, since I convinced  him he really had no option in the matter but to match he may be one of those people who is not happy with the arrangement. Regardless when you see the pictures you must, and I say must tell me how fantastic they are whether you believe it or not ok?

Sometimes I wonder if I love beautiful things too much. I am a compliment a holic. I don't want things that other people have though I'm not one of those kinds, just the kind that loves diamonds and lipstick and high heels and nicely done makeup and luxury cars and decorated deserts and jewelry and flowers and good looking people and interesting things etc etc etc. Sometimes I worry that maybe it is annoying to other people because I didn't know I did it until my cousin featured me on her blog for my birthday (she is the sweetest) and one of the 21 (21! Twenty one?!?! TWENTY ONE?!?!?! PANIC!!) facts about me was that I give out compliments like candy I think she said and then I noticed I really do, like non stop. And not just to people I know, I'm one of those people that in the middle of a conversation with someone about their work out routine who I don't know that I will comment on their socks because they have a nice pattern.
Which then brings me to another awkward thing about me, I remember almost everything, seriously, I can remember things I have asked to random people, and people I met one time, or people who I have never met but saw their picture once or just a random conversation from somebody that they forgot they told me, and then I tell it back to them. Damn. That is so awkward but I really forget that. These two things can also become awkward together because I have to remember to suppress the urge to tell people the first time I saw them at a grocery store and how I remembered their earrings but I really like their wedding ring and that they had the same purse then too........ if I ever do this to you I apologize. I forget a lot about that problem.

I believe I should stop now. Let's hope that tomorrow I will blog again because I am going to try. Even if you don't actually hope so I do because I want to.

Sleep well dudes


Friday, October 21, 2011

Thursday Thank You


Last week I didn't but just thought that Saturday was Thursday and it got real messy so rather than try to explain that to everyone I gave it a rest and decided this week it was. So drum roll please........

To my NatBat. I really freaking love you. We met at work me and this girl who looks like a pixie is amazing with anything she puts her mind to and hates children (she's fascinating!) But really as soon as I started working at SARC Nat became a really important part of my life. She helped me learn she was my friend and she would swear and tell me dirty jokes which no one else could quite understand.... (apparently it is a 'not from utah' type thing) anyway Nat thanks for being the best friend I have that isn't from "home" you have been there for me so many times to listen to me whine, worry and just talk to. Thank you for being one of the only people that I can really and genuinely talk to and be myself around and that you never judge. I love you for that so so much. Thank for you my birthday present and for always being so thoughtful, not just of me but of everyone. I just want you to have a kid so bad only so that my kid could marry him/her :D I really don't know what I would do without you because I think you are literally one of the most genuine and smart and funny people that I know. So here is to you dear friend,


Thursday, October 20, 2011

When My Home's Away

My life is really boring when I am homeless. Like really. I eat hot pockets and don't wash my hair and then when people talk to me I talk a whole lot more than I should like I've never been spoken to before and was never taught the social cues of "stop talking now" it really is awkward for everyone and I always realize that a little too late. Damn you social cues! Damn you!
Anyway my Mr. is gonesy, has been since Tuesday (basically Monday considering the hour of the day) and not coming home until late Sunday night. I don't like it one bit. Nope. But yes be proud so far I have not purchased any animals. Yes, Yes I am that good.
Ok remember how I was talking about social cues? I feel like that is happening now and people are reading this thinking that. sigh.
Here is something though for real, ever since I have been married I haven't really felt like I have a "home." There was this strange displacement which I'm sure a lot of you get because it is weird to not live with your family anymore but to not really have a place of your own and to not really know what to do with all of that is strange.
Our first apartment was a little basement apartment in a really old house. I liked it minus the gargantuan spiders, that really was a deal breaker, oh and the white supremacist neighbor was a little hard for me too. Regardless we always had a lot of our stuff packed up and in boxes and it was never all the way settled, then we moved to the apartment we are in now last minute so I had to unpack everything alone because D had left and even now we still have things packed up and in boxes.
What I am getting at here is that it is hard to feel like I don't have a home. Especially now because my parents moved here and even though they still own their house in Boise it's never going to be "home" to me again. I just really want something that is concrete in my life. I know a lot of people feel that way in a number of ways but sometimes it drives me crazy. I want to have a place to put everything, and I want to not have to move all the time, and to have a set life. Right now anything could change in a heartbeat. Just like D's job he got a call to leave for 6 days three days before and although it is exciting and interesting it sometimes just makes me so uneasy. It is also bad because if I don't feel like something belongs to me it is hard for me to care so I don't decorate that much, i'm not good at cleaning or cooking and I sometimes feel like I live in this hell hole of a half world where i'm going to wake up and have a wrap around porch and a really long drive way lined with trees. that doesn't happen to everyone else? But then I also feel guilty because there is this part of me that knows that I should be cooking and cleaning and decorating and be a better wife. Someday let's hope I have a wrap around porch and a long driveway, and beautiful trees, and a really great cleaning service.....
I want a porch. I want fresh squeezed lemonade. I want a real coat closet. I want a large bookshelf. I want a fireplace. And I want a dog. I want to feel like I belong. The only time I do is when D is home and that adds some problems with that whole military business. So friends start praying that i'll find what i'm looking for ok? And that D. comes home sooner than it feels like for the sake of us all. And that I get fresh squeezed lemonade cause that is music to my whole soul.

Here's to the homeless and the lost and those flighty souls like me that only belong when they get caught by their love friend.

Come home now D.
Oh and bring me lots of presents cause you know I need them etc etc



Tuesday, October 18, 2011

On Truth Tuesday

I've been a real big whiny baby the past two days. I've been crying at CSI, Criminal Minds and during a weak moment, Gene Simmons Family Jewels. Yeah I'm not sure about the last one either so let's not judge ok? I'm not sure why but ever since we got a phone call last Thursday seeing if the mister could go away for almost a week! ALMOST A WEEK 6 days!!!! And he left early this morning until late Sunday night. Yeah you're right, that does super suck. So yeah then I couldn't focus and I didn't do all of my homework and I bombed my (cough cough) biology test, and that means a bad day that's for sure. So let's hope that the next 6 days go by really really really quickly

In my weak moments I have been eating oreos and hot pockets.
I have also considered buying a kitten.
And a puppy.
And a full grown dog.
And reading a book.
And exercising (you know i'm getting desperate when......)

I even re-painted my pumpkin that I painted this weekend. That's sad.

Luckily this weekend happens to be our fall break, meaning we have one day off. Nice. But I don't have much more homework and I plan on reading a few books, going to pocatello and attending an Indian Lights Festival. That should be fun. :)

the biggest truth this tuesday is that this post super sucks.

m k have a good one


Sunday, October 16, 2011

On the "F" Word:

It is no secret that I am passionate about one thing. That is equality and ending violence against women. I have no qualms about saying that I am a FEMINIST (hence the "f" word, clever right?) A lot of people think that being a feminist is a bad thing because there are a lot of negative connotations that go along with it. I am NOT  a man hater, (I think we all know that, i'm basically so sickening in love that everyone probably wishes I was...) I shave my legs, (although not as regularly as the Mr. would like i'm sure) and I love makeup! My problem is how women are objectified so frequently in our media regardless of what product the company is trying to sell. There is Milk, Aryby's, Burger King, Carl's Jr, Shoes, Clothes etc etc you follow? The other problem is that by objectifying women we are causing multiple problems, we are showing women that "beauty" is unachievable because the beauty we are shown is not actually real, it is also teaching men to expect a certain kind of beauty and women can't reach it and men can't either. We are teaching people to view women as "things" which encourages violence against women because it is easy to detatch ourselves and  not see the women but instead the object. I am currently working on my certificate in Women and Gender Studies, which is more than a minor and shows on your degree. It is something that I would do as a major if it were offered at Utah State. If you haven't watched the documentary called "Killing Us Softly" I would encourage you to do so. I have seen it twice now and it is phenomenal. Below are a few advertisements that I pulled from Google, please don't be offended but please do be outraged for all of us. 

And I used to like Burger King. Are you kidding me?

This one literally makes me nauseous 

Milk? Seriously

No face=no woman=object

Again no face=no women=object

Literal Objects

This advertisement makes my blood boil and I will NEVER own a BMW 

This is scary, this is a real advertisement encouraging violence against women

Arby's? Really?

We have all seen the Axe body wash commercials and they are disgusting

Read the caption on the left page 

As a literal object

And D&G yes, this is supposed to be depicting a date rape

Please, for the sake of ourselves, our children and our society let's do something about this?


Tuesday, October 11, 2011

On Mini Truth Tuesday

Number 1. I hate the word shmear. It makes me uncomfortable.
Number 2. I also am very annoyed that the "s" button on my computer keeps sticking. sooooo annoying.
Number 3. Today I had a dance party for an hour alone.
Number 4. I really don't like it when boys, men, guy, whatevers pants are too short because they don't fit right. I don't like seeing man ankle and knowing that some dude could bend down in front of me and rip the shiz out of his pants. It is so awkward.
Number 5. School is going to kill me over these next two weeks. Yay.

Love you peep peeps



Friday, October 7, 2011

On Our First Kiss

Do you see that black sweater darlings? Well that cozy black sweater cost me less than $5 dollars at F21 and has worn me through a lot of good days. That sweater also happens to be the exact sweat that our story is centered around today, the story of our very first kiss. This picture was taken more than a year and a half after our first kiss. What can I say, I'm a cheapskate.

D and I's story from the very beginning is actually one of mystery and intrigue. We went on dates, became best friends, and became "official" all pretty secretly. The reason being that I wanted to keep my options open and had said I wasn't going to have a set serious boyfriend my senior year and so I dated lots and lots of boys, it just so happened it kind of happened at the same time, oops, anyway and Mr. D was such a party animal that dating a gung ho mormon girl like me would've cramped his style. We went on our very first date in November of 2008 and I remember worrying about whether he would try to kiss me or not. In my mind I said "It's Drew Bongiovi! Of course he is going to kiss me! Besides, I'm Megan Keller! Of course he will!" I wasn't sure what to think of this and decided I would not worry about it and go along. To my huge surprise and i'll be honest, slight disappointment, he was a complete gentleman the whole time. He did not kiss me for months afterward. Like four whole months. That is a long time in any dating situation, especially for two kissing hippies like us. So let's begin.

When we were in high school Drew literally called me every single day from the middle of September, until now.... and he would text me good morning every morning. When he called, he 9 times out of 10 would get my voice mail and would leave the same message yelling "MEGAN KELLER! YOU'RE RUINING MY HOPES AND DREAMS!!" It was annoying. And for some reason endearing. Sickening right? Anyway let's fast forward because I'm already talking too much with this story and go to spring break. It was the Friday right before school would start again.

I had been sick with a bad cold and hadn't made any plans because of how sick I felt, when Drew called and invited me to a "movie night with TONS of people at his house" I debated on going, but it was just the right timing for us to hang out again. I had ignored him thoroughly for the previous month and a half but right before spring break started it was his birthday and I couldn't help but tell him to have a fabulous day, which then opened the communication door wide open. My mom wasn't so sure about me going to Drew's house, I had never been there and she knew when Drew and I went on dates or hung out it was normally with my people not his. I took a lot of nyquil though and felt pretty good. Not so surprising though, was that the movie night ended up being me, Drew and Soren. Drew's best friend who had happened to have his wisdom teeth taken out and who was on a lot of heavy medication. We ended up driving around to try to find a girl who would hang out with Soren while he told Drew and I how we should date, awkward much? We hadn't even talked for almost two months and the first time we hung out we were supposed to start dating? I don't think so. After driving around for almost two hours we decided to go back to Drew's house and the nyquil was starting to really kick in and make me fuzzy. The boys decided they would watch some war movie and I took that as my cue to leave.

 Drew followed me outside and we made small talk, he hugged me and he was literally shaking. My head was so fuzzy I was confused thinking that I was really dizzy, but then I looked up and saw his frightened face. I had not seen a boy look that nervous while in my company but this kid was white, and shaking, I asked him what was wrong and he said "I think I want to kiss you" and I said "Well are you going to try?" (In my mind thinking MEGAN! What the freak are you saying you vixen?!? But seriously stop it! You don't even know what you're doing with your life!) Then while my inner dialogue was busy occupying my mind I looked up, felt him put his arms around me and bring me close to him, and experienced the fastest, shakiest, partially on my mouth kiss I had ever experienced. And honestly it was lovely and I was surprised. I then said "K see ya later" like nothing happened, got in my car and drove off.
I then started giggling like a stupid girl and called my best friend J White and said "I don't know what the hell just happened but I just kissed Drew Bongiovi! What am I doing?!?"
That is the complete story of our very. first. kiss.
Pretty silly but a very sweet memory of mine.

Until another time,



Thursday, October 6, 2011

On Thursday Thank You

Hello Folks,

First I would like to thank Mr. Bongiovi for smacking me in the butt and saying "COSMO SAYS MORE SPANKINS MAKE FOR A BETTER PERIOD!" ummmm? What? Actually no, no it doesn't and he doesn't even know. What a cocaine head.

Second I would like to thank Kim Kardashian for being on QVC so that me and the rest of the 65 and up club could enjoy her collection this evening. Her wedding ring is so huge it makes me want to bite it for some reason. It is weird I know but man that thing was hitting me in the face and I was on my couch far, far away from her and her 20.5 carat ring. Wowza.

Now let's get down to business, the actual real business of this Thursday Thank You!
Here's to you Stassy! (That's my mom btw, me and D call her Stassy a lot because her name is Stacy) She is fabulous. On Monday she came and picked me up early and took me to some stores so that I could find a black pencil skirt that I needed for an event. We spent our morning perusing the aisles chatting like old times. See my mom and I, we are buddies. I was the last child which means I had a lot more Mom time than the other kids. I was born and smothered with love from the beginning, then the real fun began when everyone else had to go to school and I got to stay home and play! Then life continued and I started going to school and then everyone else left for the big world and it was my turn to play again while they all got married and went to college. Leaving home for me was a lot, lot harder than I expected it to be. I missed my parents a whole lot. Then when D left for those real great 6 months it was hard then too. Now my parents live here. I know for 100% sure it is for a reason. I'm sure there are a thousand of them but I know the one reason that was the reason for me is that I needed my parents to be here and to be closer. It is so nice to be able to see them often and to listen to their guidance and feel their love for us. I have been very, very blessed to have such wonderful parents. So thanks Momsy for coming with me and for talking, and for being the best mom ever just for me. I love you.



Tuesday, October 4, 2011

On Truth Tuesday

Guys. Guys. Today I went to almost every class! YAY! Let's just get a move on it though shall we without further ado?

Trying to do my homework is like pulling my own teeth with pliers. And that sucks. I know that because once I had a tooth growing over a tooth and it was either go to the dentist and have to get it dug out, or let my dad try to pull it out with a pair of pliers. Considering he told me he would pay me $100 dollars I chose the latter and he pulled so hard he was shaking and I never once cried through the whole process. Regardless of that side story I can not get my flippin homework done. Someone come and pull my teeth out for me, or um in this case, someone come and do my homework for me. K thanks.

Oh as a reference to that last story, no my family is not hillbilly and I have always been fully ensured. Don't ask me why that happened other than it saved money and made me money which I figure is a win-win

Today I had that class. With the professor I hated on last week. As I was sitting there playing the "name game" instead of having an actual class I promised myself I would try harder to like this guy. I keep trying and trying. Let's hope someday it actually works for the sake of my sanity and the fact that otherwise I may or may not have a passionate outburst about how he should NOT be allowed to be a professor...

I am seriously considering deleting my facebook account. There is this problem where I get on facebook and hate the world. I don't like that. I read blogs to not have that feeling, and I am really enjoying pinterest but I am just not sure about facebook anymore. It just makes me want to be violent towards some of those stupid stupid people.
OH, UMMMM, speaking of being violent I am trying to stop saying so many violent things towards people, I often am heard saying things like "I'm going to kick your kneecap" or "I will karate chop your jugular" I never actually do these things, (well except to D and then we run up and down our hallway and moon each other, it's super romantic.....) I accidentally told my boss the other day that if he threw a pretend snake at me I would start his head on fire.... ugh? What? Oops.... Not to mention he scares the crap out of me and for some reason I doubt that's winning me points in the awesome category.

One last thing, over a month ago I kept trying to teach my nephew to say "Hot Mom" whenever he saw his mom and he wouldn't do it, then I got phone call from them today with her saying "Did you teach B to say "Hot mom!" because he keeps saying it and I know only you would teach him that" Can you say AWESOME!!?!? I finally have influenced someone else's life!! YESSSSS!!

Ok this one is the last one for real. Lately I have been reading multiple blogs (like over 30) and I have been thinking about possibly writing out mine and D's story to keep a fresh perspective so that later in life we can read it and enjoy it rather than trying to remember the small bits and pieces, but I don't know if it's too cheesy etc, anyone care or have any input? I'd appreciate it.

ok, well you guys rock,


Monday, October 3, 2011

On Biology and stuff like that

Look at this cute little guy. He was just a gripping on for dear life on the back of my car. A few days earlier there was another one hanging on to the hood of my car and almost every day there is one outside sitting on the hood. They are cuuuuute. 

I have always had a thing for grasshoppers. They are cute and funny and nice. No one else got that? Weird. Well they are and if you freeze them for an extended period of time and then let them thaw they still live. Now that's what I call resilient. I know that because I once was a freak, oh wait that is still in accordance with who I am, but you follow. Anyway I did that a lot and once my sister made me angry and I let one un-thaw in her room. 
Anyway to keep with our theme on resilience and biology let me tell you a story. Once upon a time I went to biology twice with my husband and then it came time to take the exam and we both failed. We both failed with big fat F's. It is weird what they say about going to school and getting good grades. There actually is a correlation. Like for instance, if you go to school you actually do get better grades. That is weird. It really wasn't that funny until we decided to start going to class, (after the fact of the exam of course) and found out that our lowest exam score is not counted in the class. I thought that was kind of funny. I'm not sure why but every now and then I get in this mode where I am sick of doing everything that is expected and I don't want to be responsible and I feel really overwhelmed and I do something a little crazy. I.E. failing my biology test when I have to keep a certain GPA to maintain my scholarship. Or the time when I was so sick of working at this ice cream shop and dealing with my crazy boss that on a break I completely broke down in hysterics telling D how I couldn't do it anymore and how stressed it was making me....(mind you this was when we were seniors in high school and poor D was very, very confused with my emotions and that was when I knew he was a keeper) after D's advice I then walked back into that hell hole and quit on the spot. Refreshing? Colder and fresher than that Ice Cream I can tell you that. 
But all of these things lead me to this, often life gets a little overwhelming. Always in different stages of life, sometimes working at an ice cream shop or other times when there are a lot of other things all going on at the same time. Sometimes you need a breaking point so that you realize you need to keep going. Normally after a very low point is when I realize I am a lot stronger than I thought I was and sometimes I think that is what life is all about. 
I am but a grasshopper clinging onto something for dear life and when the car stops I realize i'm actually a hard core bad ass and I'm still alive and kicking. 
Here's to you,