Wednesday, December 19, 2012
today I am sad. today I cried in the bathroom of my school three separate times. I hate being sad. I hate crying. today marked 3 months that I have officially been divorced. today I also found out that D is dating someone else. this makes me sad, not because it isn't me, and not because I want him, but because it just causes even more of a finality with it. I have been dating since three days after our divorce, I have no room to talk or judge and I don't, honestly I want him to be happy and if being with someone makes him happy then that is good with me. some days though, it still doesn't feel quite real. some days i feel like he is just deployed and is going to come home. two weeks ago i rented out our house and i couldn't control my emotions then, driving up to the house I literally got excited thinking Dutch was in the backyard and that D was downstairs watching TV just waiting for me to get home. it is a weird reality that, that won't ever be my reality again. yet through all of my sadness I still know this is for the better. we both are better off. we really are.
Posted by Megan Keller Barker at 4:07 PM
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Hello Darlings, I've been missing you, I have been wanting to write but it seems every time I think to write I can't. For some reason Truth Tuesday just frees my mind up and I seem to be jabber on non stop. Anyway, today I am talking about some of my favorite pieces of jewelry. If you know me, you know that I love jewelry. It is sentimental and meaningful to me, there is always something behind it. Jewelry is one of my favorite presents and carries a lot of history to me.
Posted by Megan Keller Barker at 10:11 PM
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Some days I wish I was a mind reader. I want to know what exactly people think when they see me, talk to me, get a text/phone call from me. Most days I am glad that I don't know because it would probably hurt me more than help me, but other days when I see specific people I just want to know. Today for example I wanted to know what are you thinking right now? Is it weird that I am your ex wife? Is it weird that I'm not smiling and trying to make you happy like I used to? What do you think of my hair? Are you proud of me for not letting you break me? Can you see that i'm stronger? Do you realize that when you broke me you did me a favor? Do I look better? Do I look worse? Do you wish things were different? Do you miss me? Are you surprised that I don't need you? Can you see that I don't want you? Do you see that I finally understand I deserve to be treated better? I hope you can see that I will never settle again. To say the least today has been an emotional day and that is ok. I hate feeling anything, it makes me feel weak, but I am learning that when I really feel things that is when I become my strongest because then I can overcome my biggest weaknesses and fears. There is nothing that I cannot overcome through Heavenly Father's help and for that I am thankful. I don't need anyone else. I am enough.
Posted by Megan Keller Barker at 10:07 PM