Thursday, July 28, 2011

On Growing Up

This summer, and this year actually, have taught me a lot about what it is to be an adult. Unlike a lot of people I have never wanted to stay young forever. I have always been the most comfortable with people who are about 60 and up. Even when I was a child I was always focused on being an adult. Always. I felt like when I was an adult I would finally understand everything no one would tell me. I remember once asking my Grandma what it was like to be old, I was about 8 and still haven't learned to be very tactful even now, but what she said confused me so much and I thought she was mocking me, her answer was "I am the same age now as I have always been, my body just keeps playing a joke on me every morning." I finally feel like I understand. This summer and the past 7 months, I have had some of the hardest experiences that I think I will ever have to deal with in my entire life. Some the obvious with Drew leaving and being all alone, but some so painful that I hope someday I will understand and will be blessed to forget about. I have reflected often these past months on my life. My purpose. If I have a purpose in life. What happiness is etc. I know most of my friends miss high school and miss our teenage years. I don't. I doubt I will ever have a time in my life where I genuinely miss high school. In the past month there have been two suicides, one a great Olympian, and one, a local man who also wasn't even 30 yet. There are some people who say they will be judged and shame on them etc etc. There was a time in my life that I felt the same way. I don't anymore though. Life is hard. It is worth it, but it is hard. I remember one of the 3 times that I have ever been to institute the teacher actually spoke about death and suicide. He said something that so instantaneously changed the way I thought about the whole situation that I have never felt that way again. He asked the class about their thoughts on people who chose to take their own life, and what they thought their judgement would be. Most answered that they were weak, cowards, murderers that they would be punished severely etc etc. My teacher then said here is something I would like you to think about, "I once was asked to speak at a funeral for a young man who chose to end his life, I was beside myself trying to find something to say, I prayed and prayed for the days before the funeral to know the right thing to say to comfort his family, but I could think of nothing. The morning of the funeral as I was getting ready the thought came to me 'although men are given free agency, in times of such sorrow, or despair, or mental illness, they often lose it and Heavenly Father is a just God, but is also a loving and understanding God, so much so that he can understand completely where each person was in their life when they make that decision and go through with it'" He then said that he didn't know the judgement that they would receive, he didn't understand, but he knew that God did and it was our job to help those in this life so that no one ever gets to that point.

This summer I have often yearned to be in a swimming pool like so many of the summers of my youth, or riding four wheelers, or going on dates every night and sleeping outside. Sometimes it is hard to remind myself that I am having as much fun when I am doing laundry and attempting to cook something edible. One thing I do know though, is that I am also very happy to be where I am. I have had some of the hardest trials the past few years of my life, but I have also never known such happiness and joy as well. There are so many blessings in being an adult. Laundry and school and cooking and cleaning and working and paying bills and trying to make ends meet sometimes isn't fun. Not being carefree and young sometimes isn't fun. But having a husband. Having my own things. Having our own home that is just ours. Being able to lay down every night with the one person I love more than anyone else and waking up with him. Those are all joys and blessings I knew nothing about when I was young. It is scary this time in my life. I am turning 21 in less than a month and will have been married already a year. There are so many unknowns in the world and in our life at this point. A few months ago I was having such a hard time to be coming in this stage, and to being in this stage. I was worried I would change that I would start to not enjoy things anymore that my happiness would leave. But ice cream is still just as delicious, a kiss is sweeter now than it has ever been, although I am the least out of shape now than I have ever been I am also the most content with myself, rain smells just as good, people are just as kind, and happiness is something that I have learned grows when you are doing the right things. There is much to be grateful for at this time. I know that I am at this place and at this age at this time for a reason and there are so many wonderful things that I can do with that to help others and myself.

I now understand what my Grandma meant. I am the same inside, the same young girl, flirty teen, and nervous bride and confident woman that I have always been. And as the years go by I will still be all of those things. Life in its ups and downs is good. Often we just need to take in a breath of fresh air, watch a baby stretch, and laugh to remember just how good.

I hope that your Thursday is moving sweetly by,



Tuesday, July 26, 2011

On: Truth Tuesday

Oh Hey!

I am sure you are thinking, wait a minute, didn't you just do this? Uh yeah I did but that was on a Thursday and was just a practice and I decided I like to do Truth Tuesday so I wanted to do it again. But no I will not also do a Truth Thursday so do not worry. Now to the truths of the day/week/minute

A few quick truths about myself: I put lipstick on every night before I go to bed, no, not because I think it's sexy and no neither does Drew, it is because it moisturizes overnight a lot better. I love Chilie's salsa. Love it. I go and get it from the Chilie's to go. Just a hint, they never give you enough salsa so if you want a decent amount say this "I would also like it in a large container please" (always with a smile) but if you want the right amount then say "Can I please have two containers?" (also with a smile) and they will give it to you! And they don't charge extra!!! WOWZERS! I seriously love it. I also love pomegranets. Love them. I also enjoy eating poms and salsa at the same time. Weird? Yeah it's like salty and sweet and freaking awesome. I also hate wearing socks which is something that I think is kind of, ok really disgusting that I would like to break it. I do always have an extra pair of socks in my purse just in case I am going to go bowling. That is not a joke I used to love bowling in high school and boys thought it was clever to say that we were going to a movie but then surprise me with bowling and I learned quickly that I had to have socks with me even when wearing flips or heels.

I think I am the only person in the universe that did not like the book The Help. I know guys, I know. I'm sorry. I love the concept of the book. I love it. But I just didn't love it. I don't know why either. I know. I know. But I am reading a book now that I think is my most favorite book I have ever read. EVER. And although I don't appear to be a reader, I love reading. I love love love reading. In high school my librarian had me proof read books before he posted them on the shelves. (NERD ALERT) But anyway the book. It is called "The Red Tent." It is actually based on the story in the Bible of Dinah who was raped. It sounds deep and it is. But it also brings up so many fabulous thoughts to your mind. It makes you appreciate so many things, but also what I have liked the most, is how I have viewed my role as a woman. Divine. But also I just want everyone to read it. So someone if you read it please then talk to me about it. Please?

Here is something that is honest. If someone would have told me and Drew when we were juniors in high school that we would be married at the wee age of 19 I would have had an aneurism and D would have thrown himself down a flight of stairs. We are so different. Even now when people from our town find out that we got married a lot of people laugh and assume that either I am now basically a stripper, or Drew is now "no fun." Ah the Contrary. I am only a stripper occasionally and I definitely do not get paid for it. D is also probably the most fun now than he has ever been, and he can remember all of the fun the next day too. (way better than the alternative) I am grateful that I have been blessed with the Husband that I have. It was for a reason and that is certain for both of us. Heavenly Father knew I am certain that I needed someone to listen to me, and to understand me, and to care about me. And he knew Drew needed a stripper....... JK JK JK.

I am very excited that maybe, hopefully, someday I will be out of college and that we will have jobs that pay more and that we don't have to worry about what we are worrying about these days. Oh the joys of being a young married couple who is in college. Yay.

Also I think it is funny and ironic that one of my favorite phrases lately has been "I hate children" and that I was called to be the Primary Presidency Secretary this past Sunday. Somebody has a big sense of humor. Funny.
Sometimes even I think I am the funniest. Ba hahahaha

That is all. That is all. I hope that everyone had a wonderful day!



Saturday, July 23, 2011

On Our Life Lately......

So after my "Truth Thursday" I felt kind of bad for the few kind people who meander over and read my blog. Haven't heard from me for a while, the cute husband comes home, and I'm a lame A and complain? I'm sure the people that read it decided they would boycott me from then on as a blog to read, but this post is to make up for it a little and also to let you know of the things that we have been doing basically on the weekends,

So Friday night has been, and always will be our date night. I am very feisty and demanding, which means I often get what I want and date night is an essential part to my happiness, but sweet chicken likes them too. On Thursday I had this plan to surprise him and take him to buy either a tent or a headlamp, two things he has been saying he wants a lot lately. He is not demanding. He isn't big on things, and when he wants something I almost always say yes immediately. (I'M SUCH A SUCKER!) But I had been putting off those things because I thought it would be more exciting to him if it was a present and he didn't think he would get it. So I told him I wanted to try a new recipe that night and to not worry about cooking, (I should have known that was a stupid giveaway, I don't cook and we both know I wouldn't waste my time trying to find a recipe, i'm a keeper obviously ;) but really I was going to take him to IHOP and get him a headlamp or a tent for his big 2 year Mo day! Yay! But he also had a surprise for me and showed up at work and asked to switch cars because he had to go get something. Unfortunately I know the kid so well every time he tries to surprise me I always figure it out and instead of not saying anything (like a good wife would do) I said, "ughhhh you did not borrow Thomas's motorcycle!" Which of course is exactly what we did, and I was mad because I had been trying to surprise him so we were both a little/lot frustrated because we had both been trying to surprise the other one and we each wanted to do our own surprise. We ended up going on the motorcycle ride though and it was lovely up the canyon on our favorite drive. If that isn't a romantic love story I am not sure what is.

Friday we still went on date  night even though we already had date night on Thursday and went to Olive Garden afterwards, but I'm telling you people i'm relentless when it comes to date night on Friday, and we went to our very most favorite restaurant and ate way too much and spent way too much money and then went to Al's sporting goods to find a headlamp or a tent. We found a headlamp in what seemed like a really long amount of time to find a flashlight for your head, but Drew liked it. And on the way out I made a major score for only $5 freaking bucks!! Oh yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

That is the headlamp, and those my jealous haters (ok just kidding I just wanted to be hip like all the teeny boppers and say haters) are my sunglasses that I bought for $5 dollars that were originally $110

That is me. Obviously fabulous showing how much cooler I am now that my life is complete with  a headlamp, mustache and sunglasses that were cheaper than any pair i've ever bought at Ross 
This picture I had to add also to show what we have been doing in the weekends previously, last week we actually went again to our favorite restaurant where we had gone all dressed up. Drew surprised me and got Harry Potter tickets but it was right after dinner and we decided it would not be comfortable to stay in our clothes we went to dinner in, but we were  right by the theater and didn't have time to drive across Logan to our apartment to change. Instead we went to Wal-Mart and bought these matching outfits. First of all they are fabulous. Second of all our shirts definitely glowed in the dark and I felt even cooler than if I would have gone dressed up as "He who must not be named" and we had front row seats! Anyway we then continued to wear our matching outfits for the next 3 days and went on a walk late at night so we could get the full effect of the face. 


Anyway that is just a little update of activities.

Oh! I almost forgot one. quick. thing. Drew told me if I ever get bored at night to wake him up to talk to me (I am not a sleeper so I just lay there a lot) and I never actually take him up on it, but Thursday night I decided to wake him up, in his sleeping slumber he said "is the house on fire?!?" I said no? He then said, "Then why would you wake me up?" (still not fully awake) and I said "Just to talk like you said" he then said very groggily and semi close to what I imagine a drunken grandpa would sound like, "no, no, no more emotions and feelings. I don't wanna do that tonight" Even though I wanted to punch him, I laughed and then squirted him in the face with my water bottle. Which then ensued another conversation I dare not blog about. But it did and continues to make me laugh. What a keeper that one.

Now that is really all!



Thursday, July 21, 2011

Truth, ugh, Thursday?

So my cousin (she's lovely, if you'd like to stalk her, which I recommend, do so at anyway does what is called "Truth Tuesday." Where you basically are 100% honest about whatever you fee like, I wanted to do it Tuesday but it got away from me, so I thought I would try a mini one today and then see how it goes from there and maybe continue on with this for the following Tuesdays, so here goes,

On life: Lately I have been thinking a lot about death. I think it is from all of the Criminal Minds and Rizzoli and Isles I have been watching, but it makes me contemplate a lot on what life would be like if I were to just die. Not in a creepy way, but things happen like that every day. I wonder who would miss me. Who would even care. Who would think about me in the days, weeks, months and years following. And who would forget about me. Honestly I am not sure I like what I think would happen. I don't know how many people would actually miss me, who would really be affected and what does that say about my life? I don't like that

On The Husband: I am so glad he is home. He is so glad he is home. But honestly it has been so hard too. I guess that is life.

On Everyone Getting Married: Ok not everyone but two people who are the most special to me are both getting married in August. I am so happy for them but for some reason it also brings up a lot of emotions in me a lot of happy but a lot of sad too. I feel like all of my youth is gone now. All of it.

On School: It is killing me. Ok not really school, it is actually that Mr. has to wake up everyday at 3:00 because he has to be in SLC at 5:00am and I try to be a good wife and wake up too, but then I don't go back to sleep, and I don't go to sleep until like midnight or 1:00 everyday because I am not much of a sleeper, then I go to school everyday and then straight to work. Every. Day. It has just been a lot lately.

On Adele: I think she is my best friend since I don't have any friends anymore. I love her lyrics and her voice and her passion. She is lovely.

On today: July 21st is one of the most important days of my whole life, 2 years ago today my buddy decided to get baptized, and he did, and now we are together because of that. If he wouldn't have made that decision, (which was literally one of the hardest I think he will ever have had to make) our lives, both of them, would be so so different than they are now. And even though we have a lot of tough times, we knew we would, and it is worth it, because we do have the Gospel, and know why we are trying so hard everyday, it is all worth it.

On Blogging: I miss blogging. I am going to try to do it more. Not for anyone but myself, it always feels good to write what is going through your mind, and I know as I did with my other blog, someday I will go through the things I have written and I will smile, and cry just as I do often when I write the things I write now.

That is all for today lovelies,

I hope your day and summer has been a little more sun-shiney than mine has been, but in a few weeks I will have 2.5 weeks of summer before fall semester starts and that is keeping me going!!