Saturday, March 26, 2011

On Being Sexy...........

Now folks don't be alarmed (this is actually directed literally to my "folks")

Let me give you some background, growing up at my place, the word "sexy" was a BAAAAAAAD word. It was one of those words if said on tv, or the radio or a movie would make me cringe and glance at one of the parentals in case of getting in trouble. it was just not a good word. my guess is because of the root word: s.e.x. yep that word's on my blog now. oh well. anyway technically the word is to imply that you have a lot of sex appeal. nice. but here is the thing, i don't necessarily agree with just that definition. so i'm changing it up. i think being sexy is a state of mind. it has to do with feeling like you are the shiz when you are wearing a large, fuzzy, green, bathrobe, wait. I HAVE THAT! OH YEAAAAAHHHH. Let me explain why this came about.

I am minoring in women and gender studies. I love it. It is one of my passions and it works for me. for a lot of other people it doesn't for a number of reasons. you deal a lot with lesbians, gays, trans-genders, cross-dressers, etc. etc. Although I do not agree with the behavior, I do agree with the person. I think everyone should have equal rights. I know a lot of people don't but God will be the ultimate judge and it is not my place to judge someone else. enough on that and on to the real point. so in my "intro to women and gender studies" class we have a lot of open discussions. there are a lot of different types of people in the class so there are a LOT of differing opinions. the subject came up about how women have become sexualized items for men's entertainment and how the media are distorting our image, and we shouldn't have to be sexy, and we shouldn't have to wear make up and we shouldn't read magazines or care about what other people want us to look like.....blah..blah..blah. (there are a lot of times that i have to literally close my mouth really tight so i don't say things i shouldn't say) anyway a girl raised her hand after about 15 minutes of discussion of everyone saying these things, and she said "actually, I disagree, I like to feel sexy and I think all women should feel that way" hell yes they should! i raised my hand and continued to agree with the girl saying how i liked wearing make up and hair etc and that made me feel special. (then i got a lot of looks like, "i'm sorry you're wearing sweats AGAIN and you didn't even brush your hair and do you even own make up?" to those people i say kiss my...) again, off subject.

after that discussion i started thinking about this subject continually. i used to be the girl who's hair was always curled, had great make-up and confidence that could knock your laced up sneakers off. i also was the girl who dated a lot of immature teenage boys who spoke very highly of my looks, and my looks, and my looks, oh, and how impressed their friends/family would be once they had seen me. that really changed how i wanted to come across all of a sudden. i didn't like that people would tell me that i should compete in a beauty pageant but then when i said i wanted to go to law school, "well that is a lot of school," ugh yeah dumb ass i know. jeeze. obviously you did not go to law school, or much of any higher education past the 8th grade. eventually though this started taking it's toll on me, i started questioning my self-worth because all anyone ever saw was a pretty face. so i stopped doing what i enjoyed doing. clothes, replaced by baggy sweats, makeup rarely used, hair, needed to be washed more, etc etc. you get the idea. i wanted people to see that i was smart and could do whatever i wanted. instead i started to feel not very good about myself. i was sad a lot. and hid from cameras and people in general.

a few months ago though i woke up one morning and said to myself "biaa get your shiz together and do what makes you happy" i know this sounds probably very superficial to a lot of you, but when i look good i feel good. to prove my point a little better, in the same class aforementioned, we had a cross dresser come visit us. he was a man who enjoyed dressing up as a woman. he had a completely normal life. married with kids. heterosexual. very successful professionally and very happy and genuine as a person. someone in the class asked him if he wanted to be a woman. he laughed and said "no! not at all! i love being a man! but as i'm sure a lot of the girls can understand, when i put on my heels and my favorite outfit, i feel the best i can possibly feel, i'm confident i'm happy, and it's fun to be able to dress up" i probably related to that man more than anyone in the room. (probably because i have dressed in what to me is basically cross dressing with the sweats all the time) looking good does not mean you are stupid.

as stated above, i believe that being and feeling sexy is a state of mind. it's really just a more enjoyable way of saying you have self confidence. there are some girls who hate dressing up and hate wearing make up and would rather run through a wood chipper than wear heels. and that is fantastic! you don't have to dress up to be sexy. being you is being sexy. i read an article the other day written by olivia wilde who said that sometimes women have to do things that make them confident and then they remember why they are confident in the first place, it's not the great shoes, it is who's wearing them. it makes me sad that poor sweet drew has had to put up with "man-wife" for the past 5 months. "man-wife" and drew's wife megan are very, very different and instead of showing people who i was i actually changed a lot more to try to fit into a stereotype that i thought would go along with who i wanted to portray. but here's the thing peeps there is a reason elle woods and i got along so great for years of my life, (i.e. legally blonde) so here's to that. someday when i'm in law school and it's a LOT of school i will have the best shoes out of everyone. =)

and here is to you being sexy too. whatever it is that makes you feel that way i hope you do it too and are happy =)