Dear. Mr.

This evening at 11:58 pm. (which translates into 12:58 am your time) you texted me

     "the hardest part of going to sleep is I can never tell you how much I love you and care for you baby..... I love you so so much xoxo night"

I then responded promptly with
        "That's ok. That's what the next day is for. :)"

but isn't that true? that is what the next day is for. isn't it nice always knowing that there will be a next day together?

today at work i told adam that story. you know, the one about you FINALLY giving up on me. also the one where i was the one who didn't give up. how you left and i told you to go with some other mean things i'm sure, and then i knew that this time was different. that this time you wouldn't come back. so i did what i had to do. grabbed my wall-e blanket that you had given me the love day prior to last, and ran out to my car and followed you to where i knew you would be.

isn't it nice that i knew exactly where you would go? in all of logan i knew right where i could find you. so i did what any girl in love would do and i marched up that mountainside with my slippers and robe and wall-e blanket and trudged through the snow and the mud hoping it would be worth it because you know how i hate to hike, and my feet were freezing in that weather, and i was so scared that this time you wouldn't make things ok.

remember how you almost didn't? remember how when you saw me i saw that look of "what the....." but also something else, surprise. you didn't think i would come save us. that's when i gave up fighting.


remember when you didn't want to talk but you couldn't help it. I HAD HIKED UP A MOUNTAIN ALL ALONE FOR YOU! i think from that moment on we both knew out of everything we had been through up to that point and for everything we have ahead of us, i had proved i wasn't going to give up either. not ever.


it is nights like tonight that i know everything will be ok. i look forward to when it rains and instead of being alone i can be with you and we will go for "our drive."

i look forward to when i won't have to lock the main door...... and then also the bedroom door, because you will be here to do it instead.

it will be nice for you to get me water so my toesies don't get cold, but i think from now on we can take turns

it makes me sad looking at our (2) closets and not seeing anything of yours in there, i welcome the change of less space

i am excited for when you are here to throw your own socks on the floor, instead of me doing it and letting baby rockstar play with them so there is some semblance of you here

it will be nice when you are home and you can listen to my favorite sound right outside our window, the frogs, with me. the only reason we may not move from this place.

when you come home we can go eat dessert at places. nothing tastes like it used to when you were here.

i cannot wait for the days i will have to work all day, or go to school all day, or do ambassadors all day, or all three since that happens often too, and instead of coming home to silence, i will come home to you.

we can pay our bills together.

we can have our dance a thons.

and you will be here to keep all the scarys away.

you are the best. i love you. so so much.


Mrs.

ps. being yours is the best. thank you for finding me and letting me find myself through you.