On Truth Tuesday/Not Preg

DUN DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!! It's TRUTH TUESDAY EVERYBODY! OH YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I am a sucky blogger, i'm not the most sucky blogger but compared to good bloggers I suck, but when it comes to "TRUTH TUESDAY" (DUN DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNN!!!!) I am normally pretty on top of it, so for the past few weeks of skipping it, I have felt pretty guilty. That is weird I know. Anyway let's get it going since we don't have much of a Tuesday left anymore, For some reason this whole new year resolution, goal setting, start of a new year, start of a new everything etc etc is really making me like it. I'm not sure why because I am not a fan of goals/resolutions, not because I don't stick to them, mostly because I think it is stupid that people think that there is only one time a year they should try to start the things they really want to do in life etc etc and plus people get annoying about things. Sigh, as I typed that I realize I literally just became that person. Dammmmmmmmnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaationss. (Sidenote that is NOT a swearword MOM!) anyway, I am excited. I feel like there are a lot of good things to look forward to this upcoming year and just the future in general and I am ready for it. Normally I don't like change but I am craving change in so many aspects that I just find the whole idea exhilarating. Kind of like eating an entire pie with my face. I still haven't done that, but soon I think it just might happen. Obviously I would have to take all of my makeup off first because that would be really uncomfortable otherwise, but that really is the only downside that I can see. Although I wouldn't really call these goals or resolutions there are some things that I decided I wanted to get better on, in no particular order, *be positive and look for the good *be forgiving and humble *read more scriptures *love myself, body/mind/spirit *do good things/make an impact on someone else *do things that I love *make things beautiful because I love beautiful things *love stronger and be more passionate, alive, happy and honest in my relationships with D, family and friends, I never want any of them to wonder if I love and care about them Those are just a few as well as trying not to swear as much but I don't think that really is necessary for the list. I feel that now is the time to reveal my big reveal!! DUN DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNN!! No I'm NOT pregnant, not even close, not trying, not ready, not anything, so sorry. This reveal is almost more personal to me than that, (mostly because I've never been preggers but you know what i'm saying) anyway, i'm stalling,,,, So here is the thing. For some reason for the last like 2.7 years I have just stopped caring about a lot of stuff that I really care about but I was just shoving as hard as I could under the surface. Obviously I have a complex, obviously it's NOT healthy, and obviously you probably have something similar to this too so this is a no judge zone, only a "yeah I feel yah" zone. Anyway, for some reason I came to college and I got bitter crazy about it. Like some serious bitter crazy, which is really really stupid/dumb because I have a full ride scholarship. That's right folks, I have only had to pay for books I never open and sell back for much less money, my whole college experience. I am a lucky duck but I haven't felt that way. You see I have this problem. I have always super loved money, or thought I did anyway. I always thought if I had the right this. this. this. this. this. this. and this. that everything would be right and perfect in my life. And although I can say that I/We have been very blessed financially for two crazy-ass-kids-who-got-married-at-19-and-didn't-know-what-financial-anything-meant.... well it has worked out so far. So you see I always felt like I HAD to go to college so that I could make money. I always wanted to be a lawyer, but honestly that was more because I wanted to feel like I could help somebody, and I really just wanted to be a prosecutor which doesn't really make much in lawyersville. But I also had a complex because I also want to be a really really really good mom. I am in no way saying that mom's who are lawyers or are in any other career are in anyway less mothers, but I know that for me personally, I would focus more on one or the other. I am just that way, about everything and I really want it to be my children not my career. Like I want to be that mom that just pulls their kid out of school on a Tuesday at 11:23 when they are done with recess to be like "hey (blank awesome name) we are going to Disneyworld, so no more school for you this week!!" Do you people see what i'm saying? Anyway let's try to ring this in because I'm sure half of you are like say waht? Lawyer and disneyworld and you aren't preg but you're talking about kiddens?? Right? Here is what i'm saying, I have very sincerely resented the fact that I went to college because I have NEVER wanted to be here. I hate school. I always have. Ask D how many times our senior year I missed school and he could easier tell you how many times I actually went to school. Sad but true. I have always wanted to go to beauty school. Always like since I was probably 11 so an equal portion of my life. I didn't however want to be a stereotypical young girl who goes to beauty school because she is too lazy/doesn't have a plan and will just get married and have some dude who isn't lazy/has a plan to take care of her. (not saying that all girls who go to beauty school are this way, but is there a sterotype? Um YEAH!) Anyway it was also a pride issue because I just kept telling myself I wanted to make more money blah blah blah. Well here is what I know. I know that I have always wanted to do something that makes other people feel good about themselves. I have always wanted to do something that I am in control and that I can schedule and that I enjoy doing. I have always wanted to be in a situation where I meet people and build relationships with them through what I do, and I love things that are beautiful. I just do. Although I have fought that because I haven't wanted to be shallow, I have come to the terms with the fact that loving things that are beautiful are not shallow in anyway. Instead I have found how un-true that statement is. There is beauty all around us that was created by Heavenly Father, and it is obvious that he loves beauty and wants us to be able to enjoy it. There is no reason not to make things beautiful and to enjoy beauty. So here I am saying I have decided to go to beauty school. Yep I said it. I have been waiting along time to actually say it because I was scared of it but there it is. I am going to graduate still and won't start for over a year but I am very much looking forward to it and know I am going to enjoy school these last few semesters so much more knowing what it is that I want to do. So there you have it. If you have made it this far in this post I am impressed and also apologetic that it took me that long to get it out but that's just the way it is with me. Have a lovely Wednesday since it is almost here. XOXO M