Big Changes

Hello There Darlings, I feel it is the right time to talk about some fairly big changes happening in our life at this point. FIRST, and foremost, Dutch Button is full grown we are fairly certain. They said he shouldn't get bigger than 15 pounds and currently he is a heavy 21. Since I carry him around like a baby often he is starting to hurt my back so it is more walks for that guy. No back hurting aloud around these parts. No. Thank. You. In other, more serious news, D and I have decided that he will start doing the Air Force full time. Meaning he will continue doing multiple trips and when he is not gone to another country/state he will be working in SLC every day. Meaning our new everyday schedule is an early wake up at 3:00am and an early bedtime around 9:00-10:00. For real. Because it is something he loves to do and is so naturally good at, it is hard to turn down an opportunity like this. We also found out that his scholarship will cover online classes and so he will just take online classes for now as well. Although this is quite new for us and a big change, we are also pretty excited about it. We will definitely have to learn how to adjust to waking up early and going to bed early, and D taking online classes may prove to be a bit challenging with his travels, but we feel like it will all work out. One lesson I can say I have learned is that I have to be brave. Seriously. If you would have told me when I was 17 that I would be marrying Drew Bongiovi and that I would be an Air Force wife and that I would marry at 19, I'm really not sure if I would have laughed or cried more. Seriously. The same goes for my Mr. If somebody would have told him that he would marry Megan Keller, become a Mormon, live in Utah and be married at 19, I know for a fact he would have started running then in hopes of getting away. It is with much irony our life has delivered these happenings to us. There were so many things both of us both said we would "never do," one we agreed on passionately was of living in Utah, and here we are and we adore Logan and the friends we have made here. We are at a turning point in our lives of sorts, we are passing the "newly-wed" stage and are also passing the "we're really young and married" stage. (We are still younger than MOST people who are married but not as young, you feel?) It has been a time for much decision making around these parts and at times it has been a little taxing, a lot stressful and a lot of prayer honestly to know what to do. A lot of times it is hard for me to be supportive of Drew in his job when there are so many unexpected things, like where, when, how long and is it dangerous? But I have also learned that worrying about those things doesn't change the where, the when, or the how long. And with time it has become much easier to support Mr. in something he loves so much and excels at every single day which I am thankful for on several accounts. So here is to early mornings and exciting pictures of fun places, as well as lots of return homes with presents. Another change that is a pretty big one, is that I am now on an official "leave of absence" from USU. Yep it's happened. I have been in school consistently for the past 3 years and have lost a lot of hair, gained too many pounds and have been stressed to my limit. For real. One thing that I adore about Drew is that he enjoys life. And although we think so differently he is always there with his straight logic of "if you hate this so bad why are you doing it?" and "are you happy? if this is not making you happy fix it, change it, or stop it." I often get caught up in life and just go go go go go go go until I am completely drained, depressed and basically lifeless which is not good for me, him, or really anyone. I have gotten to a point where I have realized I need to stop competing with my idea of how I should be and what I should be doing because most of the time it isn't realistic and it isn't the best plan for me. Instead of always trying to prove myself to myself and to others I have found that I need to take a step back from all of the noise and listen to my soul. My soul. It said "slow the hell down you freak." And I cried for days and didn't sleep, or eat, then ate too much, then made a decision then changed my mind over and over and over. Because it is sooo hard for me to not compete. So hard. It is hard for me to not care about what others might think of me and what I might think of myself. But really now that I actually did what I needed to do for me. I don't care. You heard me, I don't. Not in a spiteful or anything, just that really who cares? "The ones that mind don't matter and the ones who matter don't mind" Thank you Dr. Seuss I couldn't have said it any better myself and if I were to get some ink I would get that right on my arm to remind me because I keep learning that over and over and over again. I am just at peace with my decision and I am learning to trust myself and to listen to what I need and feel is right for me, not what I think others expect of me. Although I am taking a break it won't affect my graduation date for next spring, since I had credits before college and then taking about a million credits in about 15 different majors I am still well on my way. So I really probably will be blogging a little more regularly and taking this time to focus on me and to do some things I have been wanting to do. Sometimes I am my own worst enemy but for the next few months I am planning on changing that as much as I can and to learn to love life, not just live life. So here is to change. I knew 2012 would bring a lot of them and they are already happening.

There you have it. XOXO M