When My Home's Away

My life is really boring when I am homeless. Like really. I eat hot pockets and don't wash my hair and then when people talk to me I talk a whole lot more than I should like I've never been spoken to before and was never taught the social cues of "stop talking now" it really is awkward for everyone and I always realize that a little too late. Damn you social cues! Damn you!
Anyway my Mr. is gonesy, has been since Tuesday (basically Monday considering the hour of the day) and not coming home until late Sunday night. I don't like it one bit. Nope. But yes be proud so far I have not purchased any animals. Yes, Yes I am that good.
Ok remember how I was talking about social cues? I feel like that is happening now and people are reading this thinking that. sigh.
Here is something though for real, ever since I have been married I haven't really felt like I have a "home." There was this strange displacement which I'm sure a lot of you get because it is weird to not live with your family anymore but to not really have a place of your own and to not really know what to do with all of that is strange.
Our first apartment was a little basement apartment in a really old house. I liked it minus the gargantuan spiders, that really was a deal breaker, oh and the white supremacist neighbor was a little hard for me too. Regardless we always had a lot of our stuff packed up and in boxes and it was never all the way settled, then we moved to the apartment we are in now last minute so I had to unpack everything alone because D had left and even now we still have things packed up and in boxes.
What I am getting at here is that it is hard to feel like I don't have a home. Especially now because my parents moved here and even though they still own their house in Boise it's never going to be "home" to me again. I just really want something that is concrete in my life. I know a lot of people feel that way in a number of ways but sometimes it drives me crazy. I want to have a place to put everything, and I want to not have to move all the time, and to have a set life. Right now anything could change in a heartbeat. Just like D's job he got a call to leave for 6 days three days before and although it is exciting and interesting it sometimes just makes me so uneasy. It is also bad because if I don't feel like something belongs to me it is hard for me to care so I don't decorate that much, i'm not good at cleaning or cooking and I sometimes feel like I live in this hell hole of a half world where i'm going to wake up and have a wrap around porch and a really long drive way lined with trees. that doesn't happen to everyone else? But then I also feel guilty because there is this part of me that knows that I should be cooking and cleaning and decorating and be a better wife. Someday let's hope I have a wrap around porch and a long driveway, and beautiful trees, and a really great cleaning service.....
I want a porch. I want fresh squeezed lemonade. I want a real coat closet. I want a large bookshelf. I want a fireplace. And I want a dog. I want to feel like I belong. The only time I do is when D is home and that adds some problems with that whole military business. So friends start praying that i'll find what i'm looking for ok? And that D. comes home sooner than it feels like for the sake of us all. And that I get fresh squeezed lemonade cause that is music to my whole soul.

Here's to the homeless and the lost and those flighty souls like me that only belong when they get caught by their love friend.

Come home now D.
Oh and bring me lots of presents cause you know I need them etc etc

loves

M