On Truth Tuesday

This Tuesday is much more on reflection than anything else. Happy Halloween also before I forget and get started, but um, let's get started huh? I'm getting sleepy.

The reason I say that this Tuesday is a reflective one, is because yesterday was the two year mark since the day that I
1, Went ring shopping and picked a wedding date
2, Interviewed at Sports Academy
3, Forgot one of my best friend's birthday

These things are important for a number of reasons.
1. I went ring shopping and picked out a ring and date with someone who I was 10000000 times convinced I was going to marry, and, didn't. It does seem important to note that a year after this I had been married for 2 months and 26 days.
2. I did not get the job when I first interviewed, MB told me that if she had room later she would call me (yeah right I sighed.....) but I wasn't even concerned because I was going ring shopping that night, and then she did call me a few months later right at the right time and right when I had moved back to Logan after 1. and I were donzo. I have worked there ever since and don't know what I would have done otherwise I love those people there.
3. I never and I repeat never forget birthdays, but that day I was so caught up in myself that I forgot about someone who was so important to me and I am still sad about that


It is interesting to just think sometimes about things. I had my life planned out to a capital T. The person, the place the date, the kids' names and none of that happened the way I thought it would. Today I was talking to a dear sweet friend who has gone through an awful break up and talking to her I saw myself so clearly and felt so fervently what she was feeling just remembering how things happened. At the same time I couldn't help but tell her things would be ok. They really, always are. Even though I also wanted to punch myself in the face for saying that to her, but I needed her to know. I look at who I was then and who I am now and I know that it all happened for a reason. It always does. For all of us. I needed my Mr. and He needed me and me and (see number 1.) well we were close and pushed each other, but we weren't what each other needed, we were what each other already were. Sometimes things happen in life and continue to happen in life that people often think, why me? And what did I do to deserve this? Etc Etc but me and MB (see number 2.) were talking today and she in her wisdom said something so so true. She said "people always say that things make sense later in life, but I don't think that's true, I think that some things happen and we never really understand why they did, just that they did." It is important to realize sometimes in life that things happen. Things that are sad, and awful and heartbreaking and life threatening, and life changing and we don't know why. And I mean in every aspect of life and it all comes down to choice. We as the person have to decide how we will react and how we will continue to live and then keep going or not. If we don't we become bitter and angry and resistant to others, if we do, we become stronger and better and understanding of others. I remember when I felt like my life would never be the same. Even though I had made the choice to end everything I was so confused. Since then there have been times like that when I have felt like that too, that this isn't how it was supposed to be and that I couldn't keep going on, in one instant I didn't. I stopped caring about everything, myself, other people, life in general and I was a zombie hater. (It is probably a real thing that involves a creepy skin disease) Since then I am glad that I have learned instead to keep going. It is hard to keep going sometimes but I know it is worth it. In every instance. Just. Keep. Going.

Hopefully some of you can relate to this. If not it is ok too.

love you readers.
love.

xoxo


M