today I am sad

today I am sad. today I cried in the bathroom of my school three separate times. I hate being sad. I hate crying. today marked 3 months that I have officially been divorced. today I also found out that D is dating someone else. this makes me sad, not because it isn't me, and not because I want him, but because it just causes even more of a finality with it. I have been dating since three days after our divorce, I have no room to talk or judge and I don't, honestly I want him to be happy and if being with someone makes him happy then that is good with me. some days though, it still doesn't feel quite real. some days i feel like he is just deployed and is going to come home. two weeks ago i rented out our house and i couldn't control my emotions then, driving up to the house I literally got excited thinking Dutch was in the backyard and that D was downstairs watching TV just waiting for me to get home. it is a weird reality that, that won't ever be my reality again. yet through all of my sadness I still know this is for the better. we both are better off. we really are.