Truth Tuesday

Hello Lovelies, I hope you had a fabulous Thanksgiving filled with all of the delicious food not the weird random crap food that sometimes shows up, you know what I mean? Anyway, Truth Tuesday. *I want a Christmas Tree so, so, so much. So much. I was going to get one today but I don't have a truck and then I got a little angry because really!?! I did a few months ago and I don't like feeling like I have to ask someone else to help me do something that I want to do. Yeah I know that's not like a huge thing, but to me I just don't like to ask people for help, ever, then I did today, the person who I wanted to help me said no, then someone else said they would but I wasn't in the mood after that to do it anymore. *Aren't emotions annoying? I think they are. Very much so actually. Here I was doing so good, I was learning and growing and getting stronger and in a better spot than I was (which are all great things) then I started to kind of like a boy, like him enough I was with him A LOT and when he said "girlfriend" I even considered it for like 5 minutes before I said I wasn't read yet. Seems he wasn't ready for me yet either, just at all as a human though, and that is really ok, but it still kind of hurts. Compared to divorce it's minuscule like tearing a bandaid off versus losing all of your limbs and 98% of your body being burned in a fire (I could go on but I think I'll stop for now) anyway it wasn't a huge thing but it still hurt, the funny thing with this whole dating crap is that it constantly goes up and down and could change either way at any moment. Disconcerting to say the least. So for now I am determined to stay true to what I have been saying and to put myself first before any guy, so that I can learn that my priorities and wants and needs are important and SHOULD be a priority in a relationship also. So many things to learn. *Today I had a strong pain of nostalgia, I was sitting in my new church building waiting to do tithing settlement, when I smelled a delicious, heavenly, man, smell (that's really the only way to describe it honestly) and I looked over and my mouth dropped, not joking, because the human man species next to me was so physically attractive. I instinctively turned away promptly but man he was good looking. And really that is saying something because although I don't necessarily date based on physical appearance at all, I am a pretty good critic when it comes down to it and most guys don't get that high of ratings, but he would have gotten a 10 and I can't even think of another person that I have ever actually seen in person that I would give that to, anyway, the reason the nostalgia hit was because for a second I so strongly wished that I was a freshmen in college again, fresh, and new and naive. I wished Tippy was there with me and knew that if it would have been back then she would have said something to said Greek God Stallion and I would have been mortified and also so proud and we would have discussed finding out how to run into him often and to stalk him on facebook and every time we ran into him we would both give each other our "look" of remember how..... and then laugh together. I missed that so strongly and also I wished that I could be courageous enough to say hi to him strictly on the principle that he was a cute guy but I am way to scared. WAY TOO SCARED. But I do hope I at least see him again sometime at church. *You want to know what is a little awkward? Skyping with your ex-husband who is deployed and not having it be awkward at all, in my head I'm like "Hey! Why aren't we being mean I think most divorced people are mean to each other!! Why isn't this awkward!?!" But it isn't awkward and that is nice in the same way too, even though there are still emotions and ties, at the same time it is like we have both put it past us and are still ok. I like that. I like being ok. Really I am ok. When it all comes down to it, I really am. Like Really. *One more. I might get a tattoo. Go ahead and judge me, that's fine I won't mind, but the good news is that today it occurred to me that just because I get a tattoo doesn't mean I have to leave the church, for some reason in my head that correlated and I didn't want to leave the church but I also want a tattoo and to just feel completely free to make my own decisions, I'm such an extremist I feel bad for my brain most days. I think that is all for now. I hope you all have a lovely day. XOXO M