On: The Happenings in My Life

Guys, I have been so busy being, so, extremely happy that I really haven't had time for much else. My laundry pile can attest to this. Things in my life have taken a completely unexpected turn, that is so wonderful and fabulous, in a way I have been harboring it from everything. I want to protect it and keep it safe. These past weeks though, have been an emotional doosy, in a matter of four days my best friend told me she had cervical cancer, my dad had a severe heart attack and my sister had several complications with in-vitro. Emotional wreck would be the way I would have described myself but in a way I was able to hold it together much more than I thought I would be able to thanks to K. It is amazing how no matter what there are always trials in life, some much harder than others, but when you are doing what you know to be the right thing, and following the spirit, and have people in your life who encourage you and recognize Heavenly Father's plan in your life, how even in those extremely difficult and challenging times you know that everything will be ok. I remember a time, not long before the divorce was finalized that D looked me in the face and said he hoped that I would find a man who would treat me the way that I deserved to be treated and that he hoped for it sooner rather than later. The term blood boiling, I realized then was actually a factual term because I had never once felt my blood feel so hot; I wanted to slap him across the face as hard as I possibly could because that is exactly the way I felt he had just done to me with his words, I remember taking a literal step back from the pain that ensued in my body, the fact that he could so calmly and with complete (rare) honesty tell me that to my face made me realize just how far gone and on different pages we were. I couldn't believe that he could so easily see me as a thing of the past, that he would want someone else to do what he had promised me, and Heavenly Father that HE would do, and that he wouldn't even think twice about it. Now however, I feel nothing but sincere gratitude towards D. I really do, and I told him so. He had the foresight that I didn't have, he hoped for me something that I didn't even think possible for myself, finding someone who would love and appreciate me in a pure way without expecting anything in return. Although I do not regret marrying D still, I am so thankful now that he let me go when he decided to take a different path from the one that I was on, if he hadn't I wouldn't be here, where I am now, and this place is so, so good. But that story is for a different blog, so if you would like to continue on with me on my new journey go to strongbravebeautiful.blogspot.com XOXO M

Smiles

Things that are making me smile lately: my fresh as spring grass green toenail polish, my freckles that have been surfacing ever since giving in to the occasional skin bake to escape this frozen existence I call home, getting asked on a date by a boy I was really hoping would ask, doing something I love to do every day, the number that keeps lowering on the scale, my 6 month sinus infection that FINALLY is going away, the blissful rays of sun that have been appearing more frequently the past few days, the piano guys, the fact that it is February my ultimate favorite month, xoxo M

Memoirs of my Memories

Oh Hello. It's been a while, it has. And all I have for you is gibberish, but at this point what else would you expect really? Do you ever have those moments when you find yourself reminiscing about days passed. Like years and years passed? I keep doing this, but they are so vivid that it is like they just barely happened. It is the strangest thing and it is making me homesick for my dear love Boise in an unbelievable, heart-wrenching way. For example, I have relived driving to Ontario Oregon for my soccer tournament when I was in 4th grade with so much detail that I am excited for the treats at the end of the game and my silly medal for winning, I have gone on my first date about 15 times and can remember my hair, outfit, the stench of the drunk woman in line in front of us for the Ferris Wheel and her pole dancing the entire ride (always classy), I have been at Boise Towne Square (the mall, my haven, my safe-place, you get the point) so many times over my lifespan I have been yearning for plaid shirts from third grade, converse shoes from fifth, sparkly pants from Limited Too from 6th etc, I have been hiding in our raspberry patch, climbing our big tree before we cut it down, cleaning my neighbors house, riding my bikes to see the owls, hiding from my scary neighbors who owned said property with the owls, I have been in the car dancing with my best friends being 17 and feeling so full of life, I have been 19 and leaving my house for the last time before moving to Utah, I have been 18 and breaking up with D for the first time when he showed up with flowers at my front door, I have been learning how to drive stick-shift for the 5th time from the 5th country boy who did a "day on the farm" date, I have been 6 and going to kindergarten for the second time, the list goes on and on. It is strange to feel 6 years old and then suddenly be taking a test, or feeling 16 and nervous for a date and driving to work, or thinking i'm going to the mall when I am on my way to the gym. In some ways these things have made me lonely for my friends, for my life in Boise, for the past, but also it has been such a good reminder of so many good memories I have involving so many amazing people. It is ok that life just keeps on going, if it didn't I would still be 8 at a soccer tournament and not know some of the very sweetest memories I have had up to date. The hard times and sad times are still so worth it in comparison to all of the beautiful, fulfilling, joyful moments I have experienced, and my soul keeps reminding me that I have many more of those to come. Xoxo M